Dear 60-year-old me

Dear Kaye,

First off, this year, our birthday falls on an Easter Day. Isn't it fitting that the Catholic day for rebirth and new beginnings coincide with the year that we turn 30?

How are the kids? I'm sure they are all grownups now, with lives of their own. I sure hope they still call and visit you. How is Darwin? Have you fulfilled your visions of sitting at the front porch together and just watch/make fun of people as they walk by?

Right now, the kids are 5, 2 and 3 months. Do you remember them at this age? God, they are a handful! You can never work from home properly, the house is topsy turvy and someone is almost always shouting. But you know what? We got ourselves the most adorable and lovable right here. More on that later. Let me first tell you about our day in 2014.

As far back as I can remember, I had always been excited for our birthday. I look forward to greeting ourself at exactly 5:05pm, the time specified on our birth certificate. But two years ago, a little baby girl changed all that when she decided to grace the world with her presence one day before our birthday. Just like that, April 20 ceased to be our birthday. It turned into an I'm-so-tired-from-all-the-birthday-preps-the-day-before-I-just-want-to-sleep-the-whole-day kind of day. Because April 19, 2012, Dahlia Felize was born and she was amazing!

This year, April 19, we planned a small celebration for the princess. Family and few of Iya's friends shared the spaghetti, chicken lollipops and hotdogs that Darwin all cooked (love you pre!). Black Saturday pa yan ha. So come Sunday, Easter, and our birthday, we basically ate leftovers and went to Mass in the afternoon.

I had all but forgotten our day, save for the 60+ people who greeted us on Facebook (remember that?). And it made me think of what do I really wish for on this day. I have 3 beautiful and loving children. I have a family who keeps me grounded. I have a career that I love and hate at the same time. No one is really THAT sick. And although we have some financial hiccups along the way, we manage. I realize God has blessed me with more than I can truly deserve. I find it embarassing to God if I can not even share the blessings he has showered upon us.

So, going back to you, old lady. I hope you enjoyed life. You should have tried to be more friendly. You should have been brave and taken risks. You should have loved more, given more, sacrificed more. Remember that love is a verb, not a feeling. Be thankful for all the blessings and learn to forgive the hurts you might encounter. I hope our life has been full and you had been grateful.

Please give my kisses to the kids and to the grandkids, if we have them by now. Give my kisses to Darwin; he has his faults but I know he loves us and we love him dearly.

May God continue to smile upon our family. I love you, future me. :)

Thought for the day 01/24

You headed to the park this afternoon. I felt a tinge of sadness since I cannot go with you because Miko might wake up soon and need to feed. :( Sorry ate and kuya. It breaks me heart everytime you wave goodbye to me. I just say a quick prayer for God to keep you safe from harm everytime we are not together. I would love to spend afternoons with you and play with you. Perhaps, in a year or two, when Miko is old enough to come along? Let's spend more time together as you grow up okay? Time with all of the family and individual mommy time for each of you. I would like that :) I love you and I pray I get to BE WITH you as you grow up.

Thought for the day - 01/21

"Live to Share" Share your time. Share your resources. Share your blessings. Share your love. I pray that all of you have a generous heart. Love you, my three angels. :)

4 years

4 years has passed and still we continue to pray for a miracle. My son, don't let the lost of sight hinder you from having peace, love, happiness and faith in your heart.

Happy Visual Evoked Response test results anniversary, my young prince, and blessed be the name of the Lord!

Long time, no blog

Hi Kids!

I'm sorry I haven't been writing here for a while. I've been busy with work and preparations for Iya's first birthday (which had been a blast! Happy birthday, bubba!)

I hope, though, that whenever I am not writing here, I had been out making memories with the both of you. So, you might not see my thoughts through my words, but have lived them with me.

I love you both so much! :)

30 years from now

So I was thinking that every family should have the following:

- a doctor. So that someone can explain medical conditions and give sound advise (and debunk superstitious beliefs!) to the rest of the family.
Are you up to the challenge, Dr. Dahlia Felize Deves, MD? I'll leave the specialization to you. Put in as many initials after your name as you can alright? Take care of your dad and kuya and explain processes and medicines to them when I am no longer around. Ease their worry and their fear of hospitals and medical procedures. I entrust to you the wellbeing of these two men in our family.


- a priest. But since we're thinking big, can we have a Pope? His Holiness, Pope Jeshua Khalel Deves sounds really good to my ears. (Your choice for the Pope name, but remember I adore Pope John Paul II) You have always been dad's and my anchor to God. Please be the light of this family and guide your siblings towards God too. I can be your secretary, son. Just promise to take me to the Vatican and the Holy Land please. :) You can be the first blind Filipino Pope!

- someone needs to be a lawyer too. To explain the law and, again, give advice to everyone. This is my second choice for the both of you. :)

Then again, you can always be what you want to be -- businessman, office worker, mechanic, painter. So long as you are happy and you can provide for you and your family's needs, I can die happy. I vow to try and expose you to all possibilities and options you might want to explore, and support you in whatever path you want to pursue.

I love you both so much! :)