Dear Iya

This morning, I had to hand you over to your yaya para di ka mainggit/magselos at pumasok din sa banyo habang pinapaliguan ko si Kuya. I heard you crying but your yaya was able to divert your attention naman to something else. I gave your kuya a bath and we went to our room so he can have his siesta. Habang nagbibihis kami sa kwarto, kumakatok ka sa pinto, asking me to open it for you so you can also get inside the room. I didn't kasi kapag nasa loob ka ng room, di makakapagsiesta si kuya. I heard you cry again. It pains me, anak, whenever I make choices between tending to you or your kuya. This is not the first, definitely won't be the last time, that this will happen. When Miko comes out, isa pa siya kahati sa attention ni Mommy. Your kuya went through the same thing when you were born kasi syempre sa iyo ako nakafocus noon. But I hope you don't think of it that way. Mommy and Daddy are trying our best to give you all the attention and love that you all deserve. Nung bata ako, iniisip ko, imposible yung walang favorite na anak. Sabi ko, moms just say that they love their children equally kasi siyempre it might foster hatred between the kids. But you know what, I do love you and kuya equally. Pag pinanganak si Miko, I'm sure I will love him as much. Nung pinanganak ka, hindi nabawasan yung love ko for kuya tapos napunta sayo, it's more like I have more love to give now which is why I am able to love you both equally. For now, you should understand though that your kuya has special needs and mom has to give him extra attention to help him adapt to his needs. (Kuya, I hope you don't think I'm condescending here.) I am grateful that I have a strong and cheerful daughter who I can count on to support me when I need to tend to Kuya. As the eldest daughter, you are my next-in-line, anak. Please take care of the boys -- daddy, kuya and miko, when mommy is gone. I know you'll do a great job kasi kanino ka pa ba magmamana, diba? :) I love you so much, bubba. God bless you always. :)

What you need to be happy --

Everything you need to be happy is within you. Not money, not things, not even other people. But LOVING people -- that will make you happy.

Love you kids :)

Guilty mom

Dear Kuya and Ate,

Miko has been stretching around mommy's tummy all morning and it's really painful (not blaming you, though, baby boy). At times, I'm not sure if he's just stretching or trying to get out already (not yet, please).

Anyway, I've been feeling guilty because I'm spending less and less playtime with you guys. And today, I'm choosing to rest and stay in bed over going to mass or playing with you. I hope you understand that mommy wants to spend time with you, but I'm just afraid that Miko might come out before he is ready. I know I keep promising to make things right with you. I'm praying mommy can be more mobile once Miko is out. For the meantime, bear with me please? And don't ever ever doubt that mommy loves you immensely.