April 4

Dad and I made up. As usual, we brushed it under the rug and never spoke about smoking again. 

Pressing issues over the Holy Week was that Ninang Jaye tested positive for covid. Now I don't have close friends. These set of women who we call the ninangs are the closest to what I can consider friends. Don't get me wrong, I get along well with a lot of people. But I envy dad and Iya who makes friends and connections easily. Dad has friends from when he was a kid. I do not. The ninangs are who I have. They are my sisters. So to learn that one of them is having difficulty breathing is heartbreaking for me. 

I've been crying because I was so scared and worried. I watched Grey's Anatomy last night until my eyes could no longer take it and had to close na. I didn't want to think about the worst case scenario. I just want to sleep away the day. 

I was able to speak to Jaye this morning and we had a few more tears. She is weak but fighting. Still able to laugh at things. Lord, please don't take away my sister. Touch her with Your Healing Hand and cleanse her lungs so she can breathe better. This covid thing is really hitting close to home. Please shield my family, most especially Iya and Darwin who have heart problems. Protect them, Lord. 

So during this break, kuya and I had been walking around the streets (masks on) for a bit of exercise. Thank You, Lord, for these moments with my firstborn. 

Dad and I also talked about the possibility of getting another property, i.e. house. Lord, I offer our plans to You. This is for our future, so we are not dependent on our children when we grow old. I hope this plans pleases You, Lord. Make me and my husband strong (physically, mentally and emotionally) to build this dream with You.

April 2 - Smoking

We have a family history of diabetes and stroke in our family. It is clear that I start with this because I want this message to be clear -- I don't want you to smoke.

Smoking does absolutely nothing good for you. It is an addiction that brings with it a plethora of associated diseases.

I'm feeling this passionatw about smoking today because yesterday we caught your dad smoking a cigarette at the store. It makes me so angry because I feel like he keeps forgetting about the two times when he almost died. It might sound narcissistic, but it was my battle, too. I underwent a lot of stress during those times, too. I was so scared of losing dad and having to raise you guys by myself. So him, just throwing all of those away, really gets into my nerves. It's beyond angry, it makes me not want to care anymore. Ofcourse I can't really not care. He's still my husband. But it just makes me 😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬

Bottomline, no smoking please. Cigarettes, vape, weed, anything. None of those. Try to live a healthy life, a happy life, please. I love you all too much to watch you throw your life away. 

Te quiero!

Update: 

Adding my tags, I saw this. And it might be God's way of saying to forgive dad just as He has forgiven us and even sent His son to die for us. Ugh, Lord, some times it's difficult to follow You. But, I will do my best.

April 1

Today I start the day grateful -- 

1. For a restful sleep

2. For (although it was a difficult workday yesterday), I am more hopeful today

3. For the opportunity to have a leisure day, regardless if I want to do "work" stuff like trim nails, answer email, pay bills, etc -- basta leisurely

I hope I feel better today than yesterday. I know spending time with you will do just that. 😍