prayer

The dad of someone I knew died today. They were rich and highly intellectual. But no amount of money could stop death. And I know dying could be soooo expensive. I knew it from when Lolo Romy died and we had to make funeral arrangements. I knew it when Daddy almost died 2x and we had to pay hospital bills.

Lord, you promised that your servants will not die sudden nor painful deaths. Let death come "like an old friend" for me and my loved ones. Let it not be expensive as we do not have the means for that. Let it not be traumatic for those that will be left behind.

Amen.

July 5

It's been awhile -- I've been caught up in life with the mom tasks. I must admit I had been battling some inner demons recently, too.

Kuya had been circumcised already. All my lessons and experiences on wound care didn't prepare me for this one. It seems like everything was new to me.😅 Well, being a mom means having a first time for everything, too, so 🤷‍♀️😆.

We also finished Kuya's modules for Grade 1. After a lot of internal struggles regarding the teacher's instructions, we were able to submit everything. Now, we are trying to catch up on Math. I know we can do this, kuya! I believe in you! :) The Lord has wondrous plans for you and, while it might be hard at times, I'm taking on the responsibility that God has given me -- to teach you and guide you in as much as I can, to prepare you to become independent.

Done also with enrollment for Iya and Miko. We were rushed, well, I dilly-dallied on this, sorry! ✌ But someone gave away their old books for free so we didn't have to buy for Miko. That was Php6000-worth of books!! Thank You, Lord, for the blessing! I hope you bless that family more, Lord. In return, we also shared your old books to younger users.... and we bought new books for leisure reading hahaha

Lastly, I've been through a dark place recently. Maybe I'll talk about it another time, maybe I won't. I'm just glad I was able to go through that rut. I'm better now. Thoughts still creep in but not as worse as before. Now I am reminded of my purpose, my new dreams. Before it was just me, me, me. I want to go to Egypt, I want to do whatever I want. But now that I'm a parent, the dreams change. Bonoy Gonzaga put it on point when he said every parent dreams of giving their children a much better life than they ever had -- that certainly hit the mark. So all the sacrifices, all the missed "fun" stuff -- they all seemed irrelevant. Now I remind myself that yeah, you three are the priority. And you three are the reason why dad and I work so hard. To give you a better life than we had.

So what a month it has been. I hope yours had been easier than mine was. I'm just a phone call or visit away if you need someone to talk to, someone to listen, or just someone to hug you and tell you that everything is going to be all right. I love you!! 

June 10 affirmation

I have been feeling a bit down these past few days. Last night, after work, we played in the rain. I also slept relatively early and had a good sleep. This morning, my phone's Bible app wouldn't load and so I thought about jotting down a dream I had in my thoughts diary instead of reading about the verse of the day ---

Had a suuuuuper nice dream.

We were in a place that felt like we go there some times but never really considered it home

Aki was walking around and chanced upon a group of junior high students. My thought was eto na dapat yung classmates ni kuya.

They accepted him! They were singing ang dancing together. Aki had no cane but they had their arms around him to guide him. Until they culminated by forming a circle with Aki in the middle, laughing and clapping his hands. When I approached him, he was teary eyed with happiness and said, let's live here na lang. I was so happy that I told dad immediately.

LOrd, I hope this is your way of telling me that Aki will be all right. That he will be accepted and celebrated despite of his disability. Thank You for finding delight in my son, Lord. 😃

And when I closed my OneNote app, the Bible verse of the day has loaded and see what it says ---

For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.

Jeremiah 31:25 KJV

Truly, Lord, you have replenished my soul. Thank You, thank You so much!