2016 Birthday Fasting

I'm on the 2nd out of 5 days of my Birthday Fasting devotion. Figured I should have been done by now had I been more diligent in reading my Bible. I had been compliant with my commitments:

• No social media -- no Facebook, no Instagram
• No rice at dinner

In addition to 2nd item above, I also starting using the stairs more. There are days when I feel this is chickenfeed. There are days when I am almost tempted to call your dad to fetch me at the stairwell because it feels like my chest is going to explode!

Fasting from social media gives me instant gratification. I was able to zero out my unread non-work e-mail on the first day! I also started reading new books, watched a classic drama, and focus on work. Most importantly, though this still needs consistency, I am able to focus on the NOW.

• I feel proud when people compliment Miko when he eats on his own.
• I feel proud when I see Ate confidently join games at a party.
• I feel proud when Kuya is commended by his therapists, or when he insists to do things on his own.
• I went to the grocery with lolo, and noted that his face has indeed aged.

Some moments make me smile, others make me nostalgic.

I am happy to see you all grow up to be your own individuals -- you are starting to show your own quirks and traits, and I couldn't wait for you to be old enough to have mature conversations with me and dad. At the same time, I worry that time is slipping by so fast and I may be missing out on a lot of things. Please help me and remind me always that time spent together is the most important gift I can give to you. I love you guys. I hope I am able to fill in your memories with happy thoughts and love to last you even after I am gone.

On another note -- I love it when Ate asks me "Mommy, happy ka sa akin?" I started praying like that now. "Lord, happy ka ba sa akin?" I feel like I am trying to please a lot of people, but the One whose approval I should really be striving for is God's. 

Love you Guys! Watch out for a healthier me :)

Kuma Adonai hoshi'eni elohai

"Rise up, O Lord, save me, O my God"

When, how will you choose to deliver me, Lord?

I feel I am being used. Is this all I am worth?

Is this Your message for me this morning?

"To forgive means to cancel the debt. It doesn’t mean pretending that nothing wrong was done. It means acknowledging that wrong has been done, but you don’t expect the person to pay it back anymore. There's nothing that I blame you for. "

- Ptr. Joseph Bonifacio

Achievement Unlocked: Single Mom (Part 7)

You know what love is? Love is not about not being able to live without another person. It is being able to -- but not wanting to.

I, you need to be strong. You need to be brave. If there is one thing that I want to ingrain in you, it's no one should be able to make you feel that you are incapable of achieving any thing you set your mind to. As long as you do not step on other people, I will support you all the way, love. I grew up insecure and weak, and look at where I ended up. While I am thankful despite it all coz I ended up with my three chipmunks, I want you to be better and stronger than me. I want you to be brave and face up to your fears -- and I will be beside you every step of the way.

I love you, chipmunks. Let's stick together, shall we?