Sorry

I'm sorry for last night. You shouldn't have had to witness that and I'm sorry because I should have been able to shield you from experiences like that. I should have taken it outside, where lolo and lola might have heard it, but you wouldn't. I'm sorry for the raised voices, the pushing and pulling, but mostly I'm sorry for the negative vibe and lack of love into our room, which is supposed to be a haven for both of you -- a place where you should feel most safe and loved.


I'm sorry for being weak, I'm sorry for fighting back, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is not a proud moment for me as a mother, as I failed to shelter you from stuff like that.

I don't know what will happen or if things will go back to how they were. But what I know is that something changed, something within me. I can't say it's for the better, but last night definitely ignited a sense of constant vigilance within me.

In Revelation 21:4, it is said that God "will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be... any crying, or pain". Until then, please stay with mommy. You two are my life, and to lose you will cause my death.

I love you both.