sabahaynivic

You know what totally makes sense to me right now?

Family planning.

Earthquake

FROM GMA NEWS: Four earthquakes, including one with a magnitude of 6.0, struck Luzon on Saturday afternoon, with a town in Batangas province feeling a jolt of Intensity 7.

Mom and Dad are out today, as we joined our parish's Visita Iglesia in Rizal. We felt one of the jolts, and I immediately called home to check on you. Sending prayers for God to keep you safe and sound. I love you, my babies.

It's a NO

Dad and I had been wanting to migrate to another country for some time now. New Zealand, Australia, Canada -- anywhere that's family friendly and will give you better opportunities in life, especially for Kuya.

But everytime we get a lead in this quest, something happens. The latest is a confirmed NO from God. Kuya has been recently diagnosed with Moderate Intellectual Disability. While this came as a shock, it answers a lot of questions that I have and uncertainties that we've been feeling.

Processing visa approval for the visually impaired is difficult. The government will understandably want to minimize their expenses on sustaining the alternative lifestyle of the disabled. So taking in a new PWD into their country will be in the least of their priorities. Being visually impaired with moderate intellectual disability further reduces the chances for visa approval ofcourse.

So, it's a NO. We can never migrate without Kuya; it is not an option. I just pray that this NO is just God trying to steer us in the right path for our family. I still claim His promises that He will make us prosper.

Kuya, keep in mind that this diagnosis does not define you. You are loved and capable of anything you set your mind to. Mommy and Daddy will be behind you every step of the way. I love you!

Weaning

Dear M,

I'm sorry. I've been putting calamansi extract on my nipples so you won't feed at night anymore. It pains me, love, knowing that I'm lying to you. But the past few days, you were really hurting me when you feed.

I miss our closeness when you feed because now you don't even want to hug tight when we sleep anymore. Maybe this is the price that I pay? Maybe I am choosing this pain of regret and guilt over the pain of feeding?

I'm sorry, love. We're weaning you from mama, but that doesn't mean I love you less now. It just means I know you are strong enough now. I miss our time together. Never forget that I nursed you this far. You are forever my bunsoy.

From chipmunks to squad

Time and time again, the universe has confirmed tbe law of attraction to me.

I had always said I wanted more kids - but not biological. Well, God heard that prayer and sent your cousins to live with us. So now we have a total of 6 kids to look after and share the love with!

It has been 2 weeks and I must admit it is very challenging. You each have your own personalities and I guess you are also still in the process of adjusting to one another. So there are fights and screaming and pinching and punching, but thank God there is still laughter and hugs and kisses in between.

All of you drive all the adults crazy - do you know that? I'm sure lolo and lola have their hands full throughout the day. I won't say it out aloud but sometimes I get fed up too. So sorry if I lose my patience. I'm still in the process of learning to process my anger.

I love you, my squad. There is not much of mommy/tita to go around, but I am just here and I will forever be in your heart and in your mind. When you feel down and you feel alone, just be quiet and you will hear me in your heart and mind whispering "be brave" and "be strong".

I love you!

Random questions with Ate

Jan 21 -- I asked ate (4 y/o) the following questions randomly. See what she had to say.

*What is something I say a lot?
Miko, sumbong ko ikaw

*What makes me happy?
Iya, no TV. Yes, Mommy (she also included her response haha)

*What makes me sad?
Wala si kuya (coz kuya has been spending time away from home on sports training camp)

*How tall am I?
Sa taas? Sa moon, Ma

*What's my favorite thing to do?
Iya: Office
Me: grabe ka naman
Iya: uhmmm.. go to Iya's school

*What is my favorite food?
I dunno, soup?

What is my favorite drink?
Juice

*If I could go anywhere, where would it be?
Office (aaw :( )

*Do you think you could live without me?
No

*How do I annoy you?
I dunno

*What is my favorite TV show?
Mommy's show

*What is my favorite music to listen to?
Me singing

*What is MY JOB?
Laptop, do homeworks

*How old am I?
12?

*What's my favorite color?
Green

*How much do you love me?
Many!!

Grateful Jan 16

Thanks for helping me go through all my errands today. Bills to be paid, drop off kuya, etc.

Grateful Jan 15

Grateful for being able to attend Reese's first birthday party and see long time friends.
For all the late Christmas gifts that you guys received.

Grateful Jan 14

Laundry day so I'm grateful for Franco for helping out, also to Miko for being our handy runner to get hose, load the washer, etc. I hope this experience teaches you to be helpful no matter what the task is.

Also thankful for guiding me to say "yes" to 30 minutes' park time. It was a small thing and yet I think it resonated with you kids. This was affirmed when ate said "thank you, mommy, for the park time" late at night. Imagine if I didn't give in!

Grateful Jan 13

Visit was a success!! Thank You, Lord! I thank You for all the help you've sent in making this possible.

Also, my application for a new phone line has been approved. More reasons to be grateful! Had this phone for 5 years now. I used to change every 2 years so I'm really proud of myself for resisting the urge to change phones. I wasn't actually planning to change phones this year, but lolo asked for my phone as a Christmas gift so I took that as an okay from You to upgrade. Hahaha.

Finally, impromptu date with Dad. Thank You, Lord, for a super day :)

Grateful Jan 12

Whew! First day of the visit was a success! Thank You, Lord, for pacifying the boss when what we wanted was not entirely completed as planned.

Also thankful that Dad worked from home today. Kuya was allowed to go home to rest since he was having a bit of elevated temperature. Your timing amazes me, Lord. Ayun Dad was able to fetch kuya from school today. :)

Grateful Jan 11

Kuya's back to training today, and I had a looooong day at work. We have a big time visitor coming tomorrow so all hands are on deck to make sure that the visit goes smoothly.

I'm just thankful that I was able to come home safely today, and that the visit preparations are all falling into place.

Grateful Jan 9

Thankful for the extended time to be with Kuya. Dad and I got home late so we figured we'd just bring kuya to school early tomorrow morning. Still spent the night hugging kuya and crying, though.

Kinda makes me think that this is similar to life, yeah? We always tend to de-prioritize our relationships, assuming that there will always be tomorrow, always having that "next time" to make things right or make up for time lost. But rather, death is like a thief in the night. You never know when it will come but you want to be prepared for it.

I hope I was able to spend more AND quality time with you guys. So that even if we are apart, you know that you are loved.

Grateful Jan 10

Thank You, Lord, for speaking to me through Your child, Hazel. She, who while battling breast cancer and in the face of metastasis but still continue to trust in You, told me that she found peace in You. She said worrying will not result in anything, so best to leave all our worries to you. And that, Lord, I know is a direct message from You to me, even though my anxieties are miniscule compared to what Hazel is going through.

And just like that, it made leaving Kuya at school easier. I'm looking forward to see what You have in store for our first love.


Update: There was a bomb threat as school again (2nd time). I am extra thankful to Franco for being able to fetch Aki in school despite the rain and missing some classes.

Grateful Jan 8

Day 8 1/8

Lord, it's tough to be grateful when it seems that you are taking away one of my most precious gifts. Packing kuya's stuff for in-house training was so heartbreaking. I keep worrying about things that might go wrong, or things that kuya is not accustomed to. I know this is the best for kuya, and I do not want to be selfish by holding him back.

Please still my heart, Lord, and teach me to trust in You.

Anyway, I cried buckets! And I was deeply touchef by the outpouring of love by my chipmunks. Your hugs comfort me and I was able to see that I was able to demonstrate my love for you in the way that you shushed me and assured me that everything is gonna be okay. Thanks guys!

Grateful Jan 7

Day 7 1/7

Laundry day today since the yaya left us. Thankful that Annalyn has agreed to come a few days per week to help with the laundry and ironing, and also to keep lolo company.

Extremely thankful for my chipmunks who helped mama with the laundry. Mwah!

Also thankful for being able to pull off this calligraphy style! :)

Grateful Jan 6

Day 6: 1/6

Immensely thankful for Kuya's developmental pedia assessment today. Admittedly, there is delay BUT there were significant improvements from the last assessment, i.e. feeding, dressing. Learning disorder is not considered at this point, but will need to modify teaching style as he gets restless and kulit when tasks are boring or challenging. Kinda surprised to note that he has emerging number concept skills (which is greater?), but he was commended for his auditory memory -- very keen and can retain upto 5 digits. :)

Thank You!

Grateful Jan 5

Day 5: 1/5

Thank You for the time spent with my kids today. That they were able to complete 1 day with no TV nor gadgets. They played in the garden, watched me cook, and amused themselves.

Grateful Jan 4

Day 4: 1/4

Thankful that Gio was able to find Apple TVs that we can use for the Global SAP Lead's visit. Seriously, this was the highlight of my day since my neck was on the line if we didn't have these.

Grateful Jan 3

Day 3.
This was not a good day. Chest pains and pressure from work does not make a good combination.

So when I arrived home, I left all my troubles at the door and played with you guys. Thanks for making Mum feel better with your smiles and kisses. I love you!

Grateful Jan 2

Day 2:
E-mail reduced from 400+ to less than half. Whew!

Grateful Jan 1

Day 1:
Coming home safely from Antipolo.