It's a NO

Dad and I had been wanting to migrate to another country for some time now. New Zealand, Australia, Canada -- anywhere that's family friendly and will give you better opportunities in life, especially for Kuya.

But everytime we get a lead in this quest, something happens. The latest is a confirmed NO from God. Kuya has been recently diagnosed with Moderate Intellectual Disability. While this came as a shock, it answers a lot of questions that I have and uncertainties that we've been feeling.

Processing visa approval for the visually impaired is difficult. The government will understandably want to minimize their expenses on sustaining the alternative lifestyle of the disabled. So taking in a new PWD into their country will be in the least of their priorities. Being visually impaired with moderate intellectual disability further reduces the chances for visa approval ofcourse.

So, it's a NO. We can never migrate without Kuya; it is not an option. I just pray that this NO is just God trying to steer us in the right path for our family. I still claim His promises that He will make us prosper.

Kuya, keep in mind that this diagnosis does not define you. You are loved and capable of anything you set your mind to. Mommy and Daddy will be behind you every step of the way. I love you!

Weaning

Dear M,

I'm sorry. I've been putting calamansi extract on my nipples so you won't feed at night anymore. It pains me, love, knowing that I'm lying to you. But the past few days, you were really hurting me when you feed.

I miss our closeness when you feed because now you don't even want to hug tight when we sleep anymore. Maybe this is the price that I pay? Maybe I am choosing this pain of regret and guilt over the pain of feeding?

I'm sorry, love. We're weaning you from mama, but that doesn't mean I love you less now. It just means I know you are strong enough now. I miss our time together. Never forget that I nursed you this far. You are forever my bunsoy.

From chipmunks to squad

Time and time again, the universe has confirmed tbe law of attraction to me.

I had always said I wanted more kids - but not biological. Well, God heard that prayer and sent your cousins to live with us. So now we have a total of 6 kids to look after and share the love with!

It has been 2 weeks and I must admit it is very challenging. You each have your own personalities and I guess you are also still in the process of adjusting to one another. So there are fights and screaming and pinching and punching, but thank God there is still laughter and hugs and kisses in between.

All of you drive all the adults crazy - do you know that? I'm sure lolo and lola have their hands full throughout the day. I won't say it out aloud but sometimes I get fed up too. So sorry if I lose my patience. I'm still in the process of learning to process my anger.

I love you, my squad. There is not much of mommy/tita to go around, but I am just here and I will forever be in your heart and in your mind. When you feel down and you feel alone, just be quiet and you will hear me in your heart and mind whispering "be brave" and "be strong".

I love you!