Weaning

Dear M,

I'm sorry. I've been putting calamansi extract on my nipples so you won't feed at night anymore. It pains me, love, knowing that I'm lying to you. But the past few days, you were really hurting me when you feed.

I miss our closeness when you feed because now you don't even want to hug tight when we sleep anymore. Maybe this is the price that I pay? Maybe I am choosing this pain of regret and guilt over the pain of feeding?

I'm sorry, love. We're weaning you from mama, but that doesn't mean I love you less now. It just means I know you are strong enough now. I miss our time together. Never forget that I nursed you this far. You are forever my bunsoy.

From chipmunks to squad

Time and time again, the universe has confirmed tbe law of attraction to me.

I had always said I wanted more kids - but not biological. Well, God heard that prayer and sent your cousins to live with us. So now we have a total of 6 kids to look after and share the love with!

It has been 2 weeks and I must admit it is very challenging. You each have your own personalities and I guess you are also still in the process of adjusting to one another. So there are fights and screaming and pinching and punching, but thank God there is still laughter and hugs and kisses in between.

All of you drive all the adults crazy - do you know that? I'm sure lolo and lola have their hands full throughout the day. I won't say it out aloud but sometimes I get fed up too. So sorry if I lose my patience. I'm still in the process of learning to process my anger.

I love you, my squad. There is not much of mommy/tita to go around, but I am just here and I will forever be in your heart and in your mind. When you feel down and you feel alone, just be quiet and you will hear me in your heart and mind whispering "be brave" and "be strong".

I love you!

Random questions with Ate

Jan 21 -- I asked ate (4 y/o) the following questions randomly. See what she had to say.

*What is something I say a lot?
Miko, sumbong ko ikaw

*What makes me happy?
Iya, no TV. Yes, Mommy (she also included her response haha)

*What makes me sad?
Wala si kuya (coz kuya has been spending time away from home on sports training camp)

*How tall am I?
Sa taas? Sa moon, Ma

*What's my favorite thing to do?
Iya: Office
Me: grabe ka naman
Iya: uhmmm.. go to Iya's school

*What is my favorite food?
I dunno, soup?

What is my favorite drink?
Juice

*If I could go anywhere, where would it be?
Office (aaw :( )

*Do you think you could live without me?
No

*How do I annoy you?
I dunno

*What is my favorite TV show?
Mommy's show

*What is my favorite music to listen to?
Me singing

*What is MY JOB?
Laptop, do homeworks

*How old am I?
12?

*What's my favorite color?
Green

*How much do you love me?
Many!!